you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
