moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't think brook has ever known best
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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