you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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