i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
