her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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