I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
