I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
