I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You pole danced in your parka.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
