My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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