if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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