and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
