i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
