i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Randomize
