Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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