Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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