sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
