Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
