Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
