i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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