check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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