I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
