toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it because I queefed?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
