If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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