I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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