how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
