You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
