He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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