guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
