when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
