your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
