At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
