I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
