I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
