Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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