Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just fell off a train. Bad.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
