Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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