Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
