she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
