Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
