Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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