I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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