Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
