It's Friday. Sex?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
