It's like God shit irony all over that family
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
