i don't like sucking hair
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
false alarm, still single
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
