Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
