Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
