I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
