Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
