ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
