I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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