Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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